Sugar
Sugar came in from off the street late one afternoon on the hottest day of the year, stepping into the shop in dirty pointed brown cowboy boots and a wrinkled Mexican style gauze dress too large for her. Her mousy blond hair was wind blown and the smell of the heat off the pavement was carried in with her. A jingle bell above the door signaled her arrival. I was standing behind the counter, with a customary smile on my lips, doing my job. She was not a shy girl, I have to admit. She walked right up to the counter and plopped a filthy leather purse down on it as she looked me right in the eyes.
“My name is Sugar ma’am and I’m enquiring about a job. This seems like just the place for me.” She swept the room with her eyes then directed them back at me. It was the first time anyone had called me ma’am. Kind of made me mad for a minute. I was only 41, not exactly old, but I guess coming from her, who might have been all of 20, I couldn’t blame her. I felt just as young and energetic as she most likely was; I just didn’t look it anymore.
I laughed. She looked at me without breaking a smile. She was serious.
“Well Sugar,“ I said, “you certainly came to the right place, this being a confectioners shop and all, but I’m afraid I’m not looking for an employee right now. Why don’t you try down the street? I think the hardware store needs a cashier.” She shook her head and looked down at her hands, resting on the counter.
“No no, you don’t understand ma’am. My name is Sugar, get it? Sugar. This is where I belong. It’s not just my name, it’s what I know.”
“What you know, huh?” I didn’t want to make her feel bad but I was beginning to think some of her marbles had been scattered. “Is that what your parents named you?”
“Yes ma’am, they did…” She was very polite, I had to say.
“So, what do you mean, it’s what you know?”
“I was given a gift. I’m not bragging or anything, it’s just the way it is. I don’t tell too many people cause they would think I was tinged in the head. But it’s the truth.“
“What exactly was the gift you were given? Can you be more specific, if you don’t mind me asking?”
She looked up at me. Her eyes were green and there was a brown freckle in the white of her left eye. Like burnt sugar. A funny kind of look came over her face then and it was as if she left her body and someone else replaced her because she lost her girlish voice along with the slang.
“My Sanskrit name is Sarkara. I was told at a very young age that I had the ability to bring people together, that I could persuade others without persuasion, shall we say.” She paused, then smiled slightly, as if amused at an inside joke. “It is not something anyone else should know, it is only for you, as I can see you have troubles in your life. I sweeten the sour, make the heart beat a little quicker, bring a smile to the downtrodden.”
I felt kind of funny standing here listening to her. I felt like she was pulling my leg and it pissed me off, but still, there was a part of me that wanted to believe her. Who can blame what seems like an innocent young girl who believes in hope and miracles?
“I appreciate what you’re saying Sugar, but you don’t know me at all. I’ve never seen you before and I certainly don’t need your help. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings but I don’t have any troubles, well, nothing I haven’t been able to handle.”
She stared at me with this look that seemed to penetrate right smack into the center of my head. I swear I felt her jump inside me and I immediately felt guilty for lying to her. I looked around then, staring at my perfectly clean shop with everything in order, trying to figure out what to do to get out of this conversation. She opened her purse then and moved things around inside. It sounded like she had hardware in it, all the jangling that went on. Finally, she pulled out a photograph and held it up, admiring it. The edges were tattered and the back was full of what looked like coffee stains. She held it up with one hand, wiggling and flopping it, then placed it face down in front of me. I looked down at it, then up at her, wondering what her game was. I certainly didn’t have time for this. It was almost 6 o’clock and I had to get home. She waited patiently for me. I felt tired suddenly, the calm starting to leave me and anger quickly replacing it.
“So, are you wanting me to pick it up and look at it? Who are you anyhow?”
“Go ahead and look, that’s all I’m asking. Go ahead and look.”
My heart started beating fast. What had gotten into me? She had nothing on me. I wasn’t a bad person. My brain was running a mile a minute. I picked the picture up slowly and turned it over, never expecting to see myself standing in a field of sunflowers. I had never been in a field of sunflowers.
“Where did you get this? I don’t understand. I don’t even know where this is. Do you have a cousin or someone who looks like me?”
She laughed, though she wasn’t making fun of me.
“You don’t remember, do you? I didn’t think you would. That’s part of the reason I’m here ma’am. To help you remember.”
“Oh please.” I couldn’t take her anymore. I removed my apron and walked over to the window, turning the sign over to show I had closed, then proceeded to the door, with no subtlety left in me as I opened it for her.
“Sorry Sugar, it’s time for me to go. It’s been nice to talk to you but I’m afraid you’ll have to leave now.”
“You can keep the picture. I don’t need it anymore. It’s yours,” she said.
“Thanks…I think.”
She picked up her purse and started towards the door, then extended her hand toward me. “It’s been nice to meet you ma’am. Paula, isn’t it?” she asked.
I’d never told her my name. She could have found that anywhere though.
“Yes, it’s Paula. Good to meet you too Sugar. I wish you luck in your job hunting.”
She smiled only slightly, looked back at the photograph sitting on the counter, walked out, closing the door softly as she exited.
Something was left in the air after her, an electricity, a pulsing of energy I couldn’t put my finger on. I only knew I felt uncomfortable, like I had just gotten onto a daredevil ride at the amusement park, ready to be whirled around. I locked the door and turned down the lights. It had turned dark so quickly that I hadn’t noticed. The insides of the display cases were always kept lit for the customers who happened to be walking by after dark looking through the window. It was the tease that kept their mouth watering until they could make it back the next day, even the next week. Lighting and chocolate were the quintessential tease, the ultimate advertising.
I picked up the photograph again. It was me. Not only was it me, but it was my age now. My mind turned in circles, because I knew I’d never stood in that field before, not once in all my years. This shop had taken up the majority of my time and I hadn’t had a day off in too long to remember. Something about it though, seemed oddly familiar. I could almost feel the sun hitting my face, could hear the bees flying past me, watch the crows argue with each other off in the distance. I knew what it felt like to be enveloped by majestic yellow flowers. Yet, how could that be?
Who was this person “Sugar” who said she brought people together as I stood looking at a picture of myself? She walked in out of the blue, dropped off a photograph, told me I need her and now she’s gone.
My neck hurt. It always began around dusk, just after closing, when I knew I’d be going home; home to nothing, to no one, not even myself. All I had was my job and though I was good at it and could bring a smile to most anyone’s face, I couldn’t bring one to myself.
Maybe I’d make some sunflower candies. Maybe I’d make them out of white chocolate with mint for the stem and the leaves. Maybe it was time to look for the sun again. Maybe it was time to see the colors outside this little den I’d burrowed my way into because I was afraid of leaving. Maybe it was time to plant some seeds, watch them grow. And yes, maybe it was time to find the strength I still had inside, put together the remnants of what I had forgotten but knew still existed, that waited patiently for me to remember so that we could come together and live as majestically and brilliantly as a field of sunflowers.
She said her name was Sugar and she brought people together.
